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© 1986 Neal Gladstone

Well I’m a heavy metal rocker
High above the crowd
I don’t have too much talent
But I sure can play loud
Twelve year olds go crazy
When I do my stuff
I don’t have to sing so good
If my pants are tight enough
And I’m a heavy metal heavy
Cut you to the quick
Heavy metal heavy
Tryin to make you..make you
Make you sick
Now metal rock aint easy
As everybody thinks
You know these chains get heavy
You know this leather shrinks
You got to lose your hearing
You got to learn to dance
But you know that aint so easy
With a sausage in your pants
Now if you want to make it
You got to have a plan
Scream without a reason
Be obnoxious as you can
Eat a cocker spaniel
Act completely nuts
The kids will buy your records
If their parents hate your guts

Words by Neal Gladstone

I Feel 50
I feel 50 oh so 50
It’s not nifty how fifty I feel
And so 50 I admit it seems a bit sur-real
I feel grubby I feel tubby
I’m getting chubby on Reisling and brie
And so 50 I can’t believe that it’s all me
Bridge
See that 50 face in the mirror there
Who can that antique person be
Such a 50 face such a 50 bod such a 50 skin
Such a 50 me.
When I was younger I had a hunger
For adventure and sports cars and blonds
Now I’m 50, and I dream about municipal bonds
I take classes I need glasses
I pass ambient gasses with glee
When you’re 50 you can simulate a symphony
Bridge
What’s that little pain in my vertebrae
What’s that little mole on my ear
What’s that little glitch what’s that little wheeze what’s that little twitch
Think I’ll have a beer?
Now I’m grownup
Need to tone up
Better bone up and hone up my rear
So I’ll live 50 more wonderful years

© 1980 Neal
Gladstone

It’s not so hard to do
It’s not so hard to see
I’m in love with you
You’re in love with me
The moon is on the rise
Lights are burning low
You tell me with your eyes
All I need to know
Chorus
When I hold you in my arms, I see stars
I see stars, I feel everything
When you thrill me with your charms,
I see stars, I see stars, I feel everything
When all is said and done
There’s one thing left to stay
You’re the only one
That makes me feel this way

© 1994 Neal
Gladstone

Is everybody ready is everybody ready
Is everybody ready Little Freddie’s turnin 30
Is everybody ready is everybody ready
Is everybody ready Little Freddie’s turnin 30
Time to get all sweaty Time to throw confetti
Is everybody ready Little Freddy’s turnin 30
Is everybody ready is everybody ready
Is everybody ready Freddy’s goin to the city
He’s goin with his baby he’s gonna take his kitty
He’s goin with his baby and he’s goin to the city
Is everybody ready He’s gettin kind a giddy
Is everybody ready little Freddy’s goin to the city
Is everybody ready is everybody ready
Is everybody ready Little Freddie’s turnin 30
Time to get all sweaty Time to get all dirty
Is everybody ready Little Freddie’s turnin 30
Let’s get on with the party Dance until your sweaty
Is everybody ready Little Freddie’s turnin 30
He’s goin with his baby and he’s goin to the city
Is everybody ready He’s gettin kind a giddy
Is everybody ready little Freddy’s goin to the city
Is everybody ready is everybody ready
Is everybody ready Little Freddie’s turnin 30
Time to get all sweaty Time to get all dirty
Is everybody ready Little Freddie’s turnin 30
Let’s get on with the party Dance until your sweaty
Is everybody ready Little Freddie’s turnin 30

Howdy, folks. My name’s Neal Lasso Gladstone
. My friends
call me Lasso. Sometimes people say “Hey, where’d you get that name
anyhow?”Well, I’ll tell ya. One day I ran into this guy’s car with
my pickup. He jumps out and yells “Hey, Lasso!” I kinda liked
it. Had a nice ring to it. People been callin’ me that ever since.

1987 Neal
Gladstone
and
Fred Child
Now I’m a guy who’s been a-round the block a time or
two
And I can’t help but notice what you’re wear-ing
Now if you want so-phisti-cated girls to look at you
You’d better try to dress a bit more daring
Now white is al-right and gray is O-K
But if you want those pretty cit-y chicks to swoon
Step out of those blues
Get your-self into some different hues
And slip into some cool ma-roon
Now Mother nature blushed the day that Jack laid eyes
on Jill
“Holy cow!” he said, “This chick’s astounding!”
When he chased her up that hill
He thought he was in for a thrill
And heaven knows his little heart was–pounding
But Jill was not impressed
She didn’t dig the way he dressed
That romance flopped when she popped his balloon
Now Jackie boy struck out
Between you and me there is no doubt
He should have dressed in cool maroon
Bridge
Now when you make your way
Down the Champs Ely-see’
A million gay Parisiennes will a-dore ya
They all under-stand vous etes ameri-cains
When you let your poly-esters do your talkin for
ya
Now the Ruskies and the Yanks
They’ve really had their ups and downs
And everybody wants negotiations
They advertize their missile size
And throw their weight around
Hey that’s no way to smooth out our relations
Why don’t they get hip and drop this crazy ego trip
If you want those Muskovites to change their tune
Chuck those ugly threads
If you want to turn their heads
Negotiate in cool maroon
We’re talking some kind of red

© 1981 Neal Gladstone

Venus is rising. Mercury’s melting down
Saturn is sinking. Jupiter is nothing but dust
Chorus
What about us, people on the cusp
Who do you trust when you’re on the cusp
It’s hard to adjust when you’re on the cusp
Caught between twilight and dusk
Gemini’s judging. Scorpio’s sizzling
Leo is lusting. Capricorn is making a fuss
Chorus
When you’re sitting on the divide
And you’re splitting from the inside
And your reason starts to unwind
And your passion must be denied
And your mind is coming untied
And you’re finding it hard to decide
If you’re Jekll or Hyde
Cities are burning. Seasons are turning
Oceans are churning
Can we survive on this shallow crust
Chorus

©2007 Neal Gladstone

I can’t believe you said it
I wish I could forget it
And even if you felt that way
It was such a stupid thing to say
It only goes to show you
I really didn’t know you at all
You were so appealling
Well-groomed and self-revealing
That Tibetan thing around your neck
Was so politically correct
It only goes to show you
I really didn’t know you at all
I should have been paying attention
I should have been aware of the signs
Those little put downs and pretensions
I chose to overlook at the time
You threw a little party (and everybody came)
You drank too much Bacardi (so no one was to blame)
I must have tripped some insecurity
Cause you proceeded to dismember me (it really was a shame)
It only goes to show you
I really didn’t know you at all
I guess I should forgive you
I’ll probably outlive you
And still I sit here foolishly expecting an apology
It only goes to show you
I really didn’t know you at all
Those little cuts and subtle/nasty defenses/offenses
I should have noticed the signs
Those little airs and subtle pretenses
I overlooked at the time
A little cut here a little jab/poke there
I should have noticed the signs
A little pretense, and clever defense
That I overlooked at the time
to your selection of collectible/collection of exceptional wines
And when I smudgedgrazed scraped/bruised/nicke/scratched your vanity
You proceeded to dismember me
You think I should forgive you
You think that I’ll forgive you
For some kind of/Expecting an/And wait for apology
Yet here I sit expectantly
Awaiting some apology
And still I wait expectanltly
For some kind of apology
Hoping for some apology
And still I sit expectantly
Awaiting an aplolgy
Hoping for ANd hope for an Awaiting an apology
And who am I to be the judge
I shouldn’t be the one to judge
You wouldn’t think I’d hold a grudge
But its so much fun to hold a grudge
It only goes to show me/I guess it goes to show me
you/I really didn’t know me at all
Ii really hardly know me at all
My God I hardly know me at all
And yet I sit expectantly
Awaiting an apology
And yet in my naivite
I’m expecting an apology
Expecting an aplogy
And in the bigger scheme of things
But then again I might not budge
Who am I to judge
It’s too much fun to hold a grudge
It
With/In a rage disguised as honesty
With anger you call honesty
In a rage that you called
With anger cloaked in/masked as honesty
With rage that you called honesty
In a rage you said was honesty
With anger/fury cloaked in sublety
And with pretense of honesty
You proceeded to dismember me
And oh so cleverly
You proceeded to punish me
Then hateful words turned poisonous
I just don’t understand it
How could you take me for granted
It only goes to show me I really didn’t really know me at all.

© 1986 Neal Gladstone

Now everybody wants to prove how hip they are
So they borrow up the wanger and they buy a brand new car
In the first 3 days there’s a dent in the trunk,
By the time they pay it off it’s a piece of junk
When are they gonna get smart? Dodge Dart
I’ve got a brown ’67 sedan with a big slant six
Well it burns a little oil but it’s mighty cheap to fix
She starts up easy when the engine’s cold
The cops don’t bug me cause they think I’m old
She owns a little piece of my heart Dodge Dart
Go little Dodgie, go little Dodgie, you know I like your style
Go little Dodgie, go little Dodgie, another 50,000 miles
(go Dodge Dart, my little Dodge Dart)
So please don’t brag about the brand new car you own
Cause I can drive to Argentina for the interest on your loan
She’s got 4 bald tires and a hole in the seat
but with her lifters clickin’ she’s the queen of the street
I’ll drive her till she falls apart Dodge Dart

© 1988 Neal Gladstone

There’s a brown 67 sedan standing in the rain
With a blown transmission and a broken timing chain
She used to take me everywhere I went
Now her doors are rusted and her rods are bent
Why’d you have to break my heart? Dodge Dart
I was driving to Philomath on the day of tragedy
I had the radio on and I was tuned to KOAC
Well I turned the corner and I heard a pop
Then the engine went dead and I rolled to a stop
Half a mile from Dairy Mart Dodge Dart
Oh little Dodgie oh little Dodgie
What am I gonna do
Oh little Dodgie oh little Dodgie
I guess I’ll buy a Subaru
Well I told my friends that you’d never let me down
Now how am I ever gonna show my face in town
She died so young I had to weep
Someone make me an offer and I’ll sell her cheap
I guess I wasn’t so smart Dodge Dart