Category: Big Fish

© 1980 Neal
Gladstone

When I woke up this morning my head was full of those fine inspired lines
A song was coming down in perfect color tones the way they say it does sometimes
But by the time I got to a pen and tried to call those lines again
The morning fog was rolling in and turned the colors gray
And they faded away
A life on the road is a hard life it will make you tired and old
Puttin in your time and going deaf and blind in the smoke and the rock and
roll
But when I ask myself once more what the hell I do this for
Well by now I should know the score I just have to play
It’s the only way
You’ve got to get the music to the people
Keep em smiling
You’ve got to get the music to the people
Hope they sing along
Well I don’t know what the future’s bringing
Grief and trouble or laughter ringing
But we can make it if we keep on singing
Music to the people yeah
If the devil asked me would I’d trade my soul for the chance to be a star
Should I make the deal even though I know just how slim those chances are
Would I give up all those nights just to see my name in lights
And if everything went right I’d be on my way
This is what I’d say
Chorus

© 1999 Neal
Gladstone

There once was a time we were wild and free
I thought we’d never be parted
But then the years went drifting by
And you slipped away from me
Where in the world have you gone to
Hair Hair I wish you were there
Life is so lonely without you
And who would have known
when you were thick and fine
That I would be losing you one at a time
Poets write love poems about you
Hair hair I just want my share
Life is so lonely without you
I cursed when you wouldn’t lie down
But I was so foolish I didn’t know then
That I would be joining the Hair Club for Men
Others abuse and mistreat you
Hair Hair they don’t even care
They strip you and shave you and tease you
I washed you with K mart shampoo
But if you’d forgive me and come back to stay
I’ll brush you and stroke you till you’re old and gray
Hair Hair I’m in despair
Come back to me I beseech you
Hair Hair answer my prayer
Life is so lonely without you
Life is so lonely without you

© 2002 Neal Gladstone

If you are wondering, my dear
When true love ever will be yours
If you are hoping to find
The key that will open love’s doors
There is a secret there is the chance
To find that someone your true romance
Here’s all you really need to do
Just lower your standards lower your standards
He may not be perfect but he will do
Love isn’t tricky if you’re not too picky
And like a fungus he will grow on you
You may never know why he lives in a pig sty
Heaven knows he’s doing the best he can
Tho he may not be Tom Cruise still he’s learned to tie his shoes
So lower your standards he’s just a man
You may meet him at a party proving how much he can drink
He may be passed out in the bathroom or throwing up in the sink
When he asks you for your number keep an open mind
He just needs some understanding amd there’s a reason that love is
blind
So you can lower your standards lower your standards
He’s not an Adonnis, but he will do
Love isn’t tricky if you’re not too picky
Like a fungus he will grow on you
When he says “Honey, can I have some money.”
Now is that so hard to understand
Though he may think Claude Monet plays tailback for LA
Just Lower your standards he’s just a man
He may have some manly habits. He may smoke a big cigar
Burning holes into your sofa and stinking up your car
He may love to chew tobacco and spit into a can
It may be a bit annoying but surely you can understand if you
Lower your standards lower your standards
He may not be perfect but he will do
Love isn’t tricky, if you’re not too picky
Like a fungus he will grow on you
So he comes to bed sweaty–why be so petty
You can always just turn on a fan
Though he may not have the brain of a bowl of shrimp chow mein
Lower your standards he’s just a man
Though he may not be too smart, still he’s got all the right parts
So lower your standards, he’s just a man

© 2002 Neal Gladstone

One day I said to my wife where have I been all my life
It’s time to savor the fruits of my labor
And let fame and fortune collide
Unlock the icon inside
And hop on that rocket and ride
CHORUS
Major Label discover me
You can take me where I want to be
Sign that contract shake my hand
Major Label Here I am
Won’t all my friends be amazed
When I am the latest craze
The fans will adore me and brands will emplore me
To wear their design on my jeans (fill up the video screens)
Pump their promotion machines (champagne and black limosines)
Cause that’s what America means
ML label me
Make me into a teenagers fantasy
I’ll pierce my nipple and get a tan
ML here I am
BRIDGE
There is no one I can’t be
With the right publicity
There is nowhere I can’t go
If you get on the Letterman Show
VERSE
My limo glides into town
Frenzied fans cluster around
I fly to Tibet in my personal jet
Where I dine with a French Billionaire
I dress in mink underwear
At 2000 dollars a pair
ML market me
Maximize your shareholders’ equity
Crunch the numbers fill your RAM
ML Here I am
BREAK
He signs a multi-movie deal
They put his face on a Happy Meal
He marries a model Opens the bottle
Everyone knows what comes next
It’s just what the pub-lic ex-pects
(Then) My career takes a dive
And I get sued by 4 different wives
My agent won’t call me
The kids call me baldy
And box office goes down the drain
I take to gin and cocaine
And my Harley slams into a train
ML remember me
Put my life on a DVD
Find a pop star to sing my song
Cause ML I am gone
ML wholesale me
You don’t want to get stuck with all that extra inventory
The goose is gutted The well is dry
Major label say goodbye

© 1994 Neal
Gladstone

The night is lonely the clock strikes three
I sit here playing with my drum machine
And wonder where he can be
The drummer of my dreams
He won’t be hostile and he won’t take drugs
He won’t drop cigarette butts on my rugs
He’ll have some self esteem
The drummer of my dreams
I’d be breathless I’d be dazzled
I’d go out of my mind
It would be heaven
If I could find someone
Who could actually keep time
He won’t be hyper he won’t play too fast
He won’t use sticks the size of baseball bats
He won’t be seventeen
The drummer of my dreams
Solo
He wouldn’t have to be a great musician
Just have some taste and a little precision
And not get plastered during intermission
Where can he be
Oh Lord above is it so much to ask
For someone who is not a psychopath
Someone mature and clean
The drummer of my dreams
Maybe this summer I’ll find the drummer of my dreams

©1978
Michael Koss
Foreign eyes are meeting
Inviting foreign smiles
You’re such a lonely traveler
Won’t you stay here for a while?
Took a trip to Belgium
Got there just in time
Met a lovely lady
She was skinny, five foot nine
If you take a trip to see me
Call me in advance
I’ll try to meet you at the airport
If I have the chance
Foreign eyes are touching
Wanting to be near
Please write me on a postcard
Saying “wish that you were here”
Chorus
Foreign eyes are strangers
Watching all the time
But understanding nothing
Wish those foreign eyes weren’t mine

© 2001 Neal
Gladstone

Well we’re goin to the landfill
Why don’t ya meet us at the landfill
Things are comin to a standstill
In every other part of town
They’re puttin up a band shell
They’re passin out a handbill
Yeah we’re going to the landfill
And we’re gonna have a real good time
There’s gonna be a demonstration
Against a major corporation
For repeated violation
Of environmental rules
We’re gonna press for litigation/
There’s gonna be a confrontation
And every television station
Is gonna put us on the news
Chorus
Well a handsome politician
Will make a critical decision
To establish a commission
To consider the complaint
He’ll do a big investigation
Collect a lot of information
He’ll introduce some legislation
And nothings gonna change
Chorus

© 2001Neal
Gladstone

What the hell is going on here?
Don’t those people know who I am?
I go down to California
Nobody (down there) gives a damn
No one wants to take my picture
No one wants my autograph
I tell people that I’m famous
They just look a me and laugh
Now my big dream been stepped on
Like a bad line in a love song
I was a big fish in a little pond
Now I’m a minnow in the ocean
I call this guy who owns a night club
I ask what it takes to get us in
I say we’ll play for cheap just to get started
He tells me we have to pay HIM
Everybody wants to make a million
Everybody wants to be a star
Everybody knows somebody’s cousin
Everybody’s cousin plays guitar
Chorus
Why would anybody want to live there?
The air is green and smells like old cigars
There’s a million people on the freeways
Who can’t find a place to park their cars
There’s not a tree on the horizon
Just an endless sea of neon and cement
Good luck finding an apartment
Good luck trying to pay the rent
Chorus
We’re just trying to keep our dreams together
We’re just doing the best that we can do
When someone tells you they’ve got all the answers
Chances are they haven’t got a clue
Some people/Sometimes I have to learn the hard way
Sometimes the truth is hard to find
But as I look around this crazy world/I’ve been around awhile/the world
and let me tell ya
This little pond looks better all the time
Chorus
Back to Neal Gladstone’s Home Page

©1981 Neal
Gladstone

I’ve walked along this dusty road 10,000 miles
A weary stranger looking for a sigh
You marked my way and gave divine direction
Though I hardly realized it at the time
Chorus
Blackberry Blackberry along the path I travel
Mother nature’s pilgrim in a wasteland of concrete
Reclaiming stolen inches from the asphalt and the gravel
Your thorns are sharp and nasty but your fruit is very sweet
And mother nature humors our intention
To fill a need that seems to have no end
We strip her wealth with cool justification
But in the end she takes it back again
Chorus
And when I die please lay me on a hillside
With berry bushes planted all around
And there I’ll lie at peace with all creation
Protected by your fine and thorny bough

©1985 Byron Walls
When heavy decisions come up I don’t have to think twice
I’m so together Ann Landers writes me for advice
When world leaders get in a mess
I’m the expert they always request
For me nothin’s hard and on my business card it says
Calm cool and collected
In a car or a plane at home on the street on the job
Whatever the question, hey, I’ve got the answer, no prob
No matter how bumpy the ride
I can take every chuck hole in stride
What can I say I was born that way
Calm cool and collected
Verbal abuse leaves me mostly just mildly amused
Tell me to jump in the lake I just smile and refuse
I know how to pull out a plane when it pitches and rolls
When he’s in a tight spot Chuck Yeager hands me the controls
He knows when he’s in a jam
To call on the better man
Nothin’s too tough if you’ve got the right stuff and you’re
Calm cool and collected
The first lady says no one’s as charming as me
If I weren’t so modest I guess I’d be forced to agree
With ten seconds left in a game that one basket will win
The crowd has no doubt as to which one the coach will put in
I dribble pivot and set
My impossible shot clears the net
The crowd goes berserk when I go to work so
Calm cool and collected
When Clapton needs needs some cool bars
He asks me to bring my guitar