Neal Gladstone Memorial Site

Author: Web Admin Cole

  • Big Fish

    © 2001Neal
    Gladstone

    What the hell is going on here?
    Don’t those people know who I am?
    I go down to California
    Nobody (down there) gives a damn
    No one wants to take my picture
    No one wants my autograph
    I tell people that I’m famous
    They just look a me and laugh
    Now my big dream been stepped on
    Like a bad line in a love song
    I was a big fish in a little pond
    Now I’m a minnow in the ocean
    I call this guy who owns a night club
    I ask what it takes to get us in
    I say we’ll play for cheap just to get started
    He tells me we have to pay HIM
    Everybody wants to make a million
    Everybody wants to be a star
    Everybody knows somebody’s cousin
    Everybody’s cousin plays guitar
    Chorus
    Why would anybody want to live there?
    The air is green and smells like old cigars
    There’s a million people on the freeways
    Who can’t find a place to park their cars
    There’s not a tree on the horizon
    Just an endless sea of neon and cement
    Good luck finding an apartment
    Good luck trying to pay the rent
    Chorus
    We’re just trying to keep our dreams together
    We’re just doing the best that we can do
    When someone tells you they’ve got all the answers
    Chances are they haven’t got a clue
    Some people/Sometimes I have to learn the hard way
    Sometimes the truth is hard to find
    But as I look around this crazy world/I’ve been around awhile/the world
    and let me tell ya
    This little pond looks better all the time
    Chorus
    Back to Neal Gladstone’s Home Page

  • Bed Time

    ©2005 Neal Gladstone

    It’s bed time it’s bed time
    Rest my weary head time
    Time to claim my little piece of paradise
    I close my eyes and make my reservation
    For passage to an unknown destination
    Don’t wait up for me
    You know where I’ll be…. sleeping
    It’s sleep time it’s sleep time
    Secrets of the deep time
    Time to sink delicious into emptiness
    A thousand velvet tentacles embrace me
    Their saffron scented chemicals erase me
    Kindly close the door I’m not here anymore
    I’m sleeping
    The players paint their faces on
    The maestro flashes his baton
    A dark and swirling overture surrounds me
    Past and future intertwine
    Numbers taste and colors rhyme
    Spirits peer from shadows all around me
    It’s dream time it’s dream time
    Gently down the stream time
    Time to watch my reason slowly drift away
    I tumble through a distant sacred ocean
    I shatter into crystals of devotion
    Now I understand I dream therefore I am sleeping

  • Bad Baby Boy

    1985 © Neal
    Gladstone

    You know it’s hard
    to imagine
    That a girl like you
    Could want a bad baby boy like me
    Yes it’s hard to imagine
    Such a thing could ever be, yes indeed
    You’re the top of the rock,
    The toast of the town
    The peach at the top of the tree
    Yes it’s hard to imagine
    For a bad baby boy like me
    You know it’s hard to imagine
    That my luck would change
    Just when things was looking bleak
    It’s hard to imagine
    We was dancing cheek to cheek
    (so to speak)
    You’re the top of the rock,
    The toast of the town
    The smile on the bride-to-be
    Yes, it’s hard to imagine
    For a bad baby boy like me
    I used to be bad, I used to get mad,
    I used to burn constantly
    But I didn’t know
    Life could be so lovely
    Now I’m cooling down,
    Now that I found
    Heaven was made for two
    And I’ve got a feeling
    That my bad baby days are through
    You know it’s hard to remember
    What my life was like
    Before I gazed into your eyes
    Yes, it’s hard to remember
    When I ever felt so high, my oh my
    You’re the top of the rock,
    The toast of the town,
    The sweet in the harmony
    Yes it’s hard to remember
    For a bad baby boy like me

  • Baby Rainbow (Trout)

    © 1984 Neal
    Gladstone

    There once was a baby Rainbow, and he lived in a beautiful
    creek
    With bracken ferns and big fat worms and lots of bugs
    to eat
    One day while he was swimming, some cheese came floating
    by
    He was about to bite this new delight when he heard his
    mother cry
    Chorus
    Oh, don’t take a bite, no, don’t take a bite
    You must never take a bite of the cheese
    You’ll be caught by a man and pulled up on the land
    And fried in a pan with grease
    There’s grubs and slugs and lightening bugs and lots
    of stuff to eat
    So whatever you do, you must never take a bite of the
    cheese
    The baby didn’t listen, and he gave his tail a flip
    He bit the cheese just as he pleased, but something caught
    his lip
    He flipped and flopped and fluttered, but he got pulled
    up on shore
    And as the man reached out his hand, he heard his mom
    once more
    Chorus
    Oh, don’t take a bite, no, don’t take a bite
    You must never take a bite of the cheese
    You’ll be caught by a man and pulled up on the land
    And fried in a pan with grease
    There’s grubs and slugs and lightening bugs and lots
    of stuff to eat
    So whatever you do, you must never take a bite of the
    cheese
    The fisherman was hoping for a more substantial snack
    He looked and laughed and said, “I’ll have to throw
    this baby back”
    The baby hit the water! It was his lucky day
    And if you walk down by the rock, you still can hear
    him say,
    Chorus
    Oh, don’t take a bite, no, don’t take a bite
    You must never take a bite of the cheese
    You’ll be caught by a man and pulled up on the land
    And fried in a pan with grease
    There’s grubs and slugs and lightening bugs and lots
    of stuff to eat
    So whatever you do, you must never take a bite —
    Be it Parmesan or Cheddar, Mozzarella, Swiss or White
    —
    No whatever you do you must never take a bite of the
    cheese

  • Allergies

    © 1992 Neal
    Gladstone

    Every summer breeze that blows
    Starts your tender, burning nose
    Dripping like a garden hose in June
    Swollen eye lids block the sun
    Mucous membranes weigh a ton
    Mother nature’s just having fun with you
    Chorus 1
    You got Allergies Allergies
    Make you cough and make you sneeze
    Every little summer breeze brings allergies
    Scratchy throat and aching jaw
    Blazing nostrils cracked and raw
    You’re wheezing like a power saw aren’t you
    Kleenex wads around your bed
    Hockey players in your head
    Dinner tastes like Wonder bread and glue
    Bridge
    Muscles ache and molars itch
    Eyeballs feel like olive pits
    Cold sores sprout like Goodyear blimps
    On your blistered lips
    Simultaneous with bridge
    Just remember
    What your mother said
    Drink some tea and
    Take a Sudaphed
    Close the windows
    Get rid of the cat
    Wrap your head up
    With/In a plastic bag/Saran Wrap
    Close the windows
    Use your nasal spray
    Take your vitamins
    Give the cat away
    Buy a gas mask
    Do a head stand
    Sell the house and
    Move to Iceland
    So slather on the vaseline
    Pop that antihistimine
    Your nose looks like a nectarine
    But there’s nothing you can do/you haven’t got the flu
    you got
    And bid your ass adieu
    Chorus 3
    You got Allergies Allergies
    Don’t drink milk and don’t eat cheeze
    Every little summer breeze brings allergies
    Allergies won’t somebody help me with these
    Allergies Allergies
    Hell beneath the cottonwood trees
    Every little summer breeze brings allergies
    Won’t somebody save me from these Allergies

  • A Little Piece of Plastic

    © 1988 Neal
    Gladstone

    A fair and charming stranger passes by
    And sets your heart aflutter with affection
    But before you choose to give new love a try
    Let me offer just this word about protection
    Gleefully we greet the season
    Of Mother Nature’s joyful dance
    Every beastie bird and flower is preparing for romance
    You and I are no exception
    We must heed love’s ancient call
    But when you get that tingle and feel the need to mingle
    There’s one thing I would like to recommend
    A little piece of plastic on the end
    When you meet that special someone
    It may take you by surprise
    Rising out of conversation or a twinkle in the eyes
    Soon you sense your fondness growing
    And you feel your heart on fire
    But if the one you fancy appears a little chancy
    There’s one precaution that you should extend
    A little piece of plastic on the end
    God has made you fit and fertile
    God has given you the need
    Never doubt the huge potential
    Of that frisky little seed
    Choose from many shapes and colors
    Mountainous to micro size
    Buy a present for your neighbor in a shade to match his
    ties
    For a playful party favor that your guests will long
    enjoy
    And for a stunning innovation in household decoration
    Blow some up and hang them in your den
    A little piece of plastic on the end
    In a risky situation
    Stand courageous do not bend
    You can rise to the occasion
    If you put your faith into your little rubber friend
    Gleefully we greet the season
    Of Mother Nature’s joyful dance
    Every beastie bird and flower throbs with rhythms of
    romance
    You and I are no exception
    We must heed love’s ancient call
    But when you get that tingle and feel the need to mingle
    The best investment dollar you can spend
    Is for a little piece of plastic
    A little piece of plastic on the end

  • A Little Inspiration

    © 1996 Neal
    Gladstone
    and
    Chris Kuchler

    There are miracles all around us
    There is poetry in our dreams
    But it’s easy to overlook treasures
    When we’re lost in our daily routines
    We can spend our lives chasing what we long for
    And sacrifice love that we don’t have time for
    And never know that our souls cry out for
    What”s right there all the time and that’s
    CHORUS
    A little inspiration now and then
    A little sweet inspiration
    All I need to get me through is you
    And a little sweet inspiration
    Now the world is awash in confusion
    This no one could ever deny
    And it’s hard to have faith in the future
    When we’re carving great holes in the sky
    Now we can mourn for what this world has come to
    And curse the ones we tried to turn to
    But I think I am here to learn to
    Reach out and sing for you with just
    CHORUS
    (Part 1)
    When the world turns angry and cold
    A little inspiration shines the light
    To paint the world in crimson and gold
    And chase away the demons in the night
    (Part 2)
    When the world falls heavy on my shoulder
    A little inspiration comes a shining
    Into my heart to brighten my life and
    Find my way back home again
    There are prophecies in the thunder
    There are diamonds in the grass
    There are minuets in the moonlight
    Inviting us to come and dance
    Now as life goes by we become aware of
    The few things that we can be sure of
    And the steady glow of a deep and pure love
    Blows the rest away and
    A little inspiration now and then
    A little sweet inspiration
    All I need to get me through
    Is the courage to speak what I know is true
    A little help from my friends and some help from you
    And a little sweet inspiration

  • Adhesive Steve

    © 2006 Neal
    Gladstone

    Have you seen Adhesive Steve
    He’s the guest who wouldn’t leave
    Small dogs and children flee
    When he’s in their vicinity
    Steve makes adhesive coats
    For label tape and Post It notes
    It’s always just a little hard to breathe
    When you’re near Adhesive Steve
    Steve always stands too close
    You see the food stains on his shirt
    You can smell his after shave
    You can see his dental work
    Thick hairs curl out his nose
    And tangle up in matted groves
    It’s always just a little hard to breathe
    When you’re near Adhesive Steve
    There is nothing you can do
    Once big Steve is stuck on you
    The more you try to wriggle free
    The tighter his embrace will be
    Brace will be Brace will be
    Steve has a wife named Claire
    But no one knows exactly where
    She’s asking for divorce
    But he won’t give her one of course
    He says that they should stick it out
    Cause that’s what love is all about
    His unlucky wife just can’t believe
    She’s stuck with Adhesive Steve
    Steve sits in his special chair
    And watches cop shows on TV
    He likes to see them kick some butt
    Maintaining our security
    And then he has his late night snacks
    Of sticky buns and chicken backs
    Can you imagine what it’s like to be
    Adhesive Steve

  • 99 Pounds of Louisiana Woman

    © 1994 Neal
    Gladstone

    Well she’s 99 pounds of Lousiana woman
    And a hundred pounds of love
    She’s 59 inches of fire hot kisses
    And I swear by the stars above
    Louisiana woman-she’s gone and done a number on me
    A number on me.
    Well I was–sittin in a singles bar
    Workin on a Lone Star
    Listenin to a sad guitar
    When she came cruisin through
    I give her a double take
    She hit me like and earth quake
    Oh Lord, what’s a poor boy to do when you got
    CHORUS
    In her 501 blues
    And her shrink to fit attitude
    She was mighty bad news
    For a two time loser like me
    I was a little confused
    So I slung me a platitude
    Well 99 pounds can hit ya like a ton
    When it’s fired from the eyes of a Louisiana woman
    CHORUS

  • 50 Ways

    Words by Neal
    Gladstone

    The problem’s not inside your head she said to me
    You’re not depressed, my friend, you-just eat horrendously
    If you want good health you’ve got to think organically
    There must be 50 ways to love your liver
    Well Doc, I said, you know that’s easy for you to say
    I’m not sure everyone would see it quite that way
    But just for argument perhaps you could explain
    About the 50 ways to love your liver
    Cut done on meat, Pete
    Substitute soy, Roy
    Drink plenty of juice, Bruce
    And listen to me
    Back off on fries, guys
    Get a little exercize
    Take vitamin C, Lee
    And have a good pee
    She said, “If you keep up like this your liver will
    be trashed
    These days a transplant costs a 100,000 cash.”
    Now hold on doc, I said, we shouldn’t be too rash
    There must be 50 ways to save my liver
    She just shook her head and handed me the bill
    I went home and threw a couple T-bones on the grill
    Drank a maritini and wrote out my will
    There must be 50 ways to love your liver