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© 1982 Neal Gladstone

There's something I should tell you,
But please don't tell my wife
You may not want to hear it,
But it's bugged you all your life
It's clear and it's confusing,
It's simple and complex
It's sex sex sex sex sex
You can't discuss it with your neighbor
But you watch it on TV
It's against the law to buy it,
But it's legal if it's free
From the tiniest mosquito
To Tyrannosaurus Rex
Sex sex sex sex sex
Mother smacked you if you said it
When you were just a kid
You were uncool if you didn't
And suspended if you did
Every school boy knows about it
But it's censored from the text
Sex sex sex sex sex
You meet a guy from Frisco,
He's staring at your throat
He's sexy if you like him,
Obnoxious if you don't
You have to be suspicious,
It's just what he expects
Sex sex sex sex sex
Now it's okay if you do it,
But not on the first date
It's charming to imply it,
But pushy to be straight
And don't let on you're thinking
About what's coming next
Sex sex sex sex sex
If you're married it's a blessing,
If you're single, it's a sin
You do it with your husband
But you think of it with Jim
He's floating off in ecstasy,
You're balancing the checks
Sex sex sex sex sex
You want to but you shouldn't
You tried to but you couldn't
And when you finally did it
You suddenly wish you hadn't
You always face rejection
You always risk infection
There's no way to escape it,
They use it to sell cars
It's been going on forever,
In palaces and bars
They built California
On the marriages it wrecks
Sex sex sex sex etc. etc.
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