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© 1980 Neal Gladstone
It's time for that vacation you've been planning for a year
You pack the station wagon with fishing poles and beer
You drive for fifteen hours to Lake Winhatcheekoo
The kids are all excited; the dog's excited too
You check out every campground till you find the perfect spot
You think of Harvey Pickleman and all those fish he caught
You think you are in heaven, but there's one thing you forgot
You suddenly remember, you didn't bring the spray
The kids have started fighting, and the dog has run away
With both hands slapping madly, you try to pitch the tent
The stove is out of gas and the firewood is wet
The kids are soaked and filthy, they've been wading in the creek
By now it's started raining and the tent has sprung a leak
You fall in bed exhausted and you're just about asleep when you hear....
We love to keep you itching, we love to hear you bitching,
It's always fun to see if you survive
And all the time you're scratching, more of us are hatching
To drive you mad and eat you half alive
We're always glad to see you, in summer, fall or spring
There's nothing we like better than human high cuisine
No need to dress for dinner, no need to make a fuss
No matter what your taste is, you sure taste good to us
Please accept our invitation and join us for a snack
We think of you quite fondly as a very large Big Mac
Don't stay away too long we surely hope you'll hurry back

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